Creative WritingGrammarHumorWriting

HUMOR FOR GRAMMARIANS

By August 12, 2018 No Comments

A few weeks ago I saw a funny list of items related to writing. I’d seen it before, but this time I decided to share it to my Zebra Communications Facebook page. It practically went viral, with more than nine thousand people viewing the list. It went like this:

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out–we don’t serve your type.”

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

On a roll, I added this one:

An exclamation mark stubbed a toe on the bar and said, “Damn!”

Later I added this:

A redundancy walked into a bar and said, “Give me a beer and a brew.”

Several people reacted with Likes and Loves, and I was amused.

I then added this:

An auxiliary verb would have walked into a bar if it could have.

The last item received the oddest reactions, as if no one knew what an auxiliary verb was. An auxiliary verb is a verb paired with another verb; hence “would have” and “could have.” Maybe I went too far. Maybe so many things walked into the bar that it hit capacity level.

Jokes aside, perhaps only grammarians catch the humor. Nevertheless, I thought I’d snatch it from Facebook and turn it into a blog to keep it for posterity.

If you don’t understand some of the references, don’t walk into a bar to drown your sorrows. Send me an email or comment on my blog, and I’ll be glad to explain.

 

Bobbie Christmas

Bobbie Christmas

Editor Bobbie Christmas is your book doctor. She can also be your mentor, ghostwriter, copywriter, and writing and publishing consultant. After spending decades writing and editing for a living, Bobbie became a much-sought-after seminar and workshop leader. She began Zebra Communications in 1992 in Atlanta, Georgia, to provide professional editing services to publishers and to writers like you.

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